April 23, 2012

Drinking & Baseball

Is there anything more American than drinking a beer whilst watching a baseball game? Yes! Drinking a beer whilst watching a baseball game, whilst eating an apple pie, and enjoying my obese body (I’m sexy and I know it!) There it is. So I decided to chronicle my American nature and see what happens. This may not be pretty, coherent, or good, but dammit, I am going to give it my all! Game of choice: Detroit Tigers vs. Texas Rangers. Beer of choice: Miller High Life; The Champagne of Beers.

7:01pm 1st beer cracked, not that cold seeing as how I just picked them up from the store 5 mins ago. Oh well.
7:03pm – Dammit! Rain delay! Keep the drinking going!

7:23pm – 2nd beer open. No game. I’m getting restless. The programming they have on during rain delays is ok, but very dry. It reminds me of the opening to any/all sports events. Insert peppy song, pics/video of players, maybe they do something whacky…yawn.  But with the game not on, it’s all about keeping my wife at bay. “Can we watch one of my shows since your baseball isn’t on?” It’s only a matter of time before my defenses break…defenses being the amount of alcohol in my system.

8:00pm – Beer 3. Now they
have a show about the Detroit Red Wings’ winning streak. Not being a hockey fan in the slightest, it’s still a very impressive streak. What makes it even better is that the streak was done by one of the best franchises ever, for any sport. Love it! Beer 3 is going down smooth, Yum.

8:42pm – Beer 4. Yes I slowed down, but I’m drinking alone here folks. Well, not alone, I have my dog Noodle and son Asher. Game is still in delay. Its nights like this where I wish I had MLB Extra Innings. I truly wish it was affordable. Damn you Comast!! Wait…Damn you Xfinity!! Oh well. I’ll throw some Moneyball on till the game restarts (hopefully).

9:20pm – Beer of the 5th. Game still not on… night dragging more than I thought. What’s keeping me occupied is feeding my son, messing with my dog, and watching my wife look up trashy celebrity gossip. Kim Kardashian did what?! Once they all go to bed, it will just be me and the Champagne of Beers.  God I missed MLB Extra Innings.

10:00pm – The great 6th beer. So I gave up on the Tigers’ game, and Moneyball reached my climax, where Hatteberg hits the homer,  but luckily late night programming yields more opportunities to watch baseball. Fricken primetime TV is used up with so much crap! Come on! It’s the American pastime; let’s get some more games on TV. Anyway, I’m watching the Dodger vs. Astros, and/or White Sox vs. Mariners. Neither of these matchups excite me, but whatevs, it’s baseball and I can find something about every game I love (thank you fantasy baseball).

10:11pm – Just saw Chris Narveson is on the DL. Who cares!? BTW, he has a rotator cuff injury…15 days? Yeah right! He gone for at least 4 months.

10:13pm – I think it’s pretty cool the Houston Astros are wearing their retro jerseys that say Colts on them. I don’t know what it is, but I think all teams from Texas should have mascots with these themes:
·         Cows/Steers
·         Guns
·         Lawmen
·         Everything being big
10:15pm – White Sox vs. Mariners. Seriously, outside these 2 teams’ hardcore fans, who cares about this game? Mariners = King Felix White Sox = ??? I know they have Paulie Konerko, and Adam Dunn, but each guy is such an undervalued, non-marketed type of guy. Paulie will forever be a Southside hidden gem, kind of the way The Big Hurt was. They just seemed to be less famous than they should have been, but because of that, they were more appreciated by White Sox fans (ugh, every time I try and type White, it’s always comes up Whote…damn o is too close to the i. ßI think this means the beers are kicking in).

10:27pm – WGN is a homer station. Ppff…who cares?! I love it! Let the home team announcers be biased, brings life and passion to the game. I’m probably in the minority here, but I love baseball on TV vs. reality (going to the game). The announcing adds life to the game. Plus the proximity of the bathroom is great!

10:30pm – Twins win. I hate the Minnesota Twins.

10:32pm – The more batters Houston brings up, the more I realize how little I know about Houston’s team. Who are these guys?

10:42pm – Beer 7 “The Awakening”. At this point, in my youth, this is when women’s’ rating begin to increase. 3’s begin to look like 5’s…6’s like 8’s and so on.

10:45pm – Why do fans obsess about foul balls? I’ve caught a foul ball. Yeah it’s great in that exact moment, but literally an inning later I could care less about that ball. What am I going to do, tell the story of how I caught it to my son? “Son, sit on down and let me tell you about how I acquired this ball. A hitter, I don’t know who it was, hit this ball in foul territory. After the mass cleared and the ball rolled to my feet I picked it up.” “Wow Pops! I truly live with a hero!”

10:48 Adam Dunn homerun of Noesi. 6-0 White Sox. Wow! What a surprise this team is. Tigers were supposed to run away with this division, but I guess not.

11:00pm – last beer down..numero 8 (semi-spanish).  I’m pooped and going to bed. It’s been an interesting night chronicling. I wished I would have made it to the end of these games, or the end of the case, heck, to midnight, but life had other plans.

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